A list was recently published by the Crypto Economics Consulting Group (CECG) of all the dangerous men who are currently (or may soon be) in prison for bitcoin-related crimes.

Warning: this information is not for the weak of constitution. What follows is a recounting of the harmful indecencies carried out by very vicious men.

The six sickening stories are as follows:

1. John D. Powell – This lowlife from Illinois has been in prison since late 2014, where he'll be kept for a total of four years. He was convicted of committing a heinous crime: helping people buy bitcoins.

Yes, that's right. Powell regularly traded his bitcoins for dollars over the course of 18 months. And he didn't even get permission.

We're all safer now that he's in a cage. With any luck, his sentence will be extended.

2. Robert M Faiella – A 53-year-old Floridian father, Faiella hurt his back and was seeking an alternate way to support his family. He is guilty of the same heinous crime as Powell: facilitating the exchange of bitcoins for dollars. He's going to prison (where he belongs) for four years, as well.

But it's hard to tell which is worse: Faiella's bitcoin-crime-against-humanity, or his association with the next scumbag, Charlie Shrem.

Robert M Faiella

3. Charlie Shrem – This uppity technophile was only in his early 20s when he committed the most unspeakable Bitcoin crime of all: running a highly successful business (shudder). Shrem's company, BitInstant, was among the most used, most efficient, and most trusted in all online Bitcoin exchanges.

What a sick pervert.

Shrem was thankfully nabbed and kept under house arrest. He then plead guilty to being a really bad man, and he'll be in prison for the next two years. You can rest easy that your wife and kids are safe now.

4. Ross Ulbricht – As the most dangerous, violent person ever to come out of Bitcoin, young Ulbricht's crime is almost too obscene for print. (If there are small children near you, dismiss them before their innocence is tarnished by the knowledge of Ulbricht's crime.)

He created a website that allowed people to trade freely – the Silk Road.

The horror of this act speaks for itself. If the world were more just, they'd have given him the death sentence. Everyone can sleep more soundly knowing that the purchase of prohibited goods will return to back alleys and freeway underpasses.

If Ulbricht loses his upcoming court appeal, he'll spend life in prison. For the love of all that is good and right, pray that he does.

Ross Ulbricht

5. Pascal Reid – This creep is as depraved as the rest: he actually used LocalBitcoins to sell some of his cryptocurrency in exchange for dollars.

Do these men have no shame?

On one occasion, Reid's Bitcoin buyers were undercover Miami police. They attempted to sell him stolen credit cards. Though Pascal declined to purchase the stolen cards, he no doubt gave it serious consideration. As a seasoned criminal, he was probably just being cautious.

Reid's trial is pending. We can only hope that his antisocial act merits a ten year prison sentence, minimum.

Pascal Reid

6. Blake Benthall – Last on our list of total sickos is a 26-year-old whiz kid who used to launch rocket ships into space (what a waste of time!). Benthall has been accused of a crime as troubling as Ulbricht's: running an online free market, namely the Silk Road 2.0.

Not mentioned in official FBI accusations is that Benthall also eats babies, plants fecal matter in public drinking fountains, and suffocates kittens for fun. Well, these haven't been confirmed, but how could they not be true with a deviant like Benthall?

The miscreant is, like Pascal Reid, awaiting trial for his crime against human decency.

Blake Benthall

Congratulations if you kept reading this far. The undertakings of these criminals is certainly difficult to stomach. One only wishes that more Bitcoin sellers were in prison.

If you'd like the world to just keep getting safer and safer, do your part. Be sure to spy on your neighbors, call 911 at every possible opportunity, and always, always pay your taxes.

And stay far away from Bitcoin.

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