Our London columnist Nick Ayton reports on an Ethereum-related accident in Shoreditch, discovers the Blockchain Book of Mormon and crypto Bite-Coin in the Tower.

Mans passes out counting his Ether

A man was found unconscious at a flat in Shoreditch. Ambulance services arrived at 12 o’clock and it took several hours for the man to regain consciousness.

An ambulance worker states: “There was an odd gas like smell and we immediately thought about the possibility of an explosion…but it wasn’t like anything we had experienced before.”

He goes on, and on:

“Finally the man woke up and explained he had made a large withdrawal of Ether currency which apparently vaporizes upon direct contact with the air…”

Looks like having too much Ether is bad for one’s health.

Vampire Coven found at the Tower of London

Eyewitness: “I was on the guided tour and got lost looking for the toilet,” says Celine who lives in Essex.

“I tried lots of doors and then went inside one, I found lots of human remains but no blood.”

A spokesperson from the Coven said later: “We incent our members to go for a clean bite and that is why we called our crypto Bite-Coin.”

Outside, Cointelegraph met up with a representative of Transylvania Insurance: “We were accepting Bite-Coin for afterlife insurance but then we found members were exceeding the length of cover by 150 years.”

The Coven leader said:

“Times are very hard, some members have to sleep in cardboard coffins and the tower gets very cold at night.”

That will teach Celine for not keeping with the rest of the tour. By the way, what are those two small marks on your neck?

The Mormon Book of Arnold the first scripture written to the Blockchain

Holy Reuben, the representative of the Billingsgate Mormon Chapter said:

“Following the success of the West End theater show, hundreds of people wanted access to the “Book of Arnold. 

We didn’t want to let them down so we decided to make it available digitally for a small payment of frogs.”

Sounds like a big jump forward with the merchandising then.

Bitcoin Witness protection program is not delivering

CT exclusive interview with the Segregated Witness – so what went wrong?

SegWit: “I joined the program six months ago and it was all a bit rushed. At the start, there weren’t enough people to help and it seemed the department had capacity issues with so many people asking to join the Segregated Witness program.”

Cointelegraph: What happens now?

SegWit: “I am not sure really after my buddy was struck by Lightning as it hit a building and a shard of glass went into his back.”

Sounds very painful, maybe they need a new name for the program.